fastlanec3's Blog

Letter sent into our local newspaper...highly unnecessary...had my blood boiling....

Re Drugs, Alcohol Remain City Concern, March 28:
I am getting fed up as a taxpaying, law-abiding citizen being blamed for the problem in that I am not supplying affordable activities for the culprits. This whole problem originated with the building of the first Shelter House. Have we forgotten the objections to this building? Have we forgotten that as soon as it was built, merchants were complaining of customers being hassled by drunks, etc.? It enables all the alkies, druggies and other useless people to congregate and cause havoc to hard-working, taxpaying citizens.
Those of my generation who fought and died for the right of citizens to live in harmony and comfort have alas, died it in vain.
The gutter level of society are allowed to destroy our way of life, rob, pillage and make it unsafe for decent people to shop even in daylight. The problem of Ms Jorgensen shows how we have let these people run rampant with little or no consequences for their actions (We Did What Police Wouldn‘t; South core retailer tracks down stolen dress, takes it back, letter, March 27).
The first solution to this problem is to shut down and move the May Street beer store to Intercity.
The second solution is to do what the Australians did when confronted by the same problem – round up the trouble-makers and banish them.
The third solution is for the do-gooders and excuse makers to shut up and stop aiding and abetting these criminals.
Generations of citizens came with little or nothing and made a good living for their families, obeyed laws and respected their fellow citizens. It is about time the present non-taxpaying citizens were forced to do the same thing.
The next progression in this saga may be the formation of armed citizens to enforce our laws. The present legal system is not the solution, it is the problem.

M.J.K. Robinson
Thunder Bay

Ok so I know some people on here have probably looked at my experiences or whatever & thought "WTF is wrong w/ you FastLane???!!!!" & that's fine because I sometimes ask myself that.

To clarify some things about myself...

1. Off EP I dont go sleeping around w/ older men. I may be EXTREMELY close to some older guys but thats just me. I do find some of them attractive or appealing but I'm really not involved with anybody at all. I especially dont date older men than me. I stick to my age range...

2. I am open when it comes to other peoples sexuality, I have friends I've know since we were 3 & they are either bi-sexual or gay & I still love them to pieces. I personally, only date men, but dont mind experimenting when it comes to late night adventures.

3. Ok, education wise. I am currently studying psychology. During the summer I continue with my business (martketing) degree. This is because full-time I was not happy with business & decide to study it only during the summer & get my psychology degree on a full-time basis.

4. Even though I am a psych-student I will NOT analyze people. People dont need to feel like they are going to be taken apart & anazlyzed when they talk to me. They are PROFESSIONALS for that!

5. I will say wild things on here that will make people go WTF. I tend to be impulsive & have an EXTREMELY high sex-drive that can get out of control...and no I dont just run out & start sleeping with people.

6. Am I suicidal? No. I sometimes get extremely stressed out but I've learned to cope, & deal. I also have an amazing counsellor whom I can call at 3am if I need to.

7. Do I do drugs or drink? I actually don't do drugs or drink. I have the odd drink here and there but am for the most part alcohol free. Not because I'm against it but as a runner if Im going to have a drink it is generally wine. As well from past incidents my liver has sustained some damage. Part of the issue being I have been on medication my entire life.

8. Do I have brain damage? Not the type that would affect my functioning. After taking a blow to the back of the head from the horse, I became if anything smarter (LOL). My brain does have trouble with signalling, as if I see an object, no connection to my brain tells me it is there. Its weird & very difficult to explain. I would be seeing the object but if you asked me if it were there I would say no. My memory also is pretty scrambled & my sight & hearing are also off. Intellectual wise Im 100% fine. Im as normal as one can be =)

I will keep adding as I think of random things that have caught people off-guard about me =)

Good evening!

So I passed my psych exam today with a smoking 97%!

Um. So, a few people have asked about my marathon training. Unfortunately I had reaccurant (sp?) shin splints in both legs & am still taking it easy as they had started to fracture.

HOWEVER, I have been active & am working at a stable cleaning stalls & such, therefore getting a lot of cardio workouts in. As I am moving to S. Ontario, I will be in an area where there are 100x as many running events & more training programs available. I have been doing 3 mile walks every second day to start conditioning things back up again. Once all ice & water clear I'll be doing short, easy runs & keep working my way up.

Much Luv,

FastLaneC3

Hey everyone!

Happy New Year!!

I'm back on EP & hopefully for good this time!

Quick update, I have been accepted into a college/university in S. Ontario, so I will be moving at the end of August! I'll be going for either my BAA in Behavioural Psychology or BA in Psychology...still pending on which program to do. I was also accepted into the social work program but it wasnt exactly what I wanted.

I am currently working on a horse for a woman who actually helped teached me how to ride YEARS ago. Unfortunately we pretty much lost both horses in my parents divorce settlement. Things have been very rocky in those terms.

Im veryyyyy excited for easter! Im a choco-holic & I just love easter in general! Its something to get excited about.

My health has been not too bad. Unfortunately my neurologist left his practice with no notice & there are currently no other neurologists in our small (but functional) city. There is some concern that there is something going on with my er...brain, but not enough that I am worried.

Because Ive been getting tons of messages & EP tends to run slow for me, Im going to look at leaving a e-mail address or something for people who want to message me regularly. But only if people are actually going to use it.

When I leave for S. Ontario in August I will also be making a mini-webpage or blog so that people can follow my "journey".

That's all for now, Im off to write another exam!

Much Luv,

FastLaneC3

Wow, I have not updated this blog in FOREVER. I think because I spend less time near a computer & more time burried in my books, I kind of forgot =(

Um yeah, things have been hectic around here, I've been burried in school work & work work. I'll hopefully find the energy to type a detailed blog over the weekend but don't hold your breath sweeties. I'm in the middle of mid terms (no pun intended), & a crap load of projects sooo I'm quite tired. As well I'm trying to find a new apartment as I may be permanently having my dad living with me...BAH.

Luv ya'll

FastLaneC3

So the last two weeks have been quite the rollercoaster ride... My guinea pig passed away, 5 days later we had to euthanize our 15 year old dog, another day later I got pinned between a panicked horse & a wall, & just today found out that there may be something wrong with my heart. I am being tested as well for diabetes.

This really sucks because my counsellor isn't here & he's one of the VERY, VERY few I can trust not to hurt me. I know he'd help if he were here. If something is wrong with my heart the only reasonable thing to do is to euthanize. Sounds crazy but the discomfort & confusion is too much. If they find something but they can do minimal to keep me comfortable then ok, I'll keep going. But I say no to surgery like I have in every other situation.

Much Luv,

FastLaneC3

It makes me nervous to know that I no longer have a counsellor ... it is kind of like not having someone their to hold your hand when you need someone to. Its a scary thought... & the other counsellors aren't safe. He told me before I left the office that he was going to be there when I needed him there, & a few hours later he tells me that he's leaving for good. He knew when he told me he'd be there, that he was leaving... that's why he was pushing me so hard to see a different therapist/counsellor...he knew he'd lied to me. I hate him & I pray that I never see him ever again...he's a lier like the rest...NOBODY ever stays...

FastLane

He's leaving again... my counsellor is leaving for again for the next 5-6 months when he told me he'd be here for the semester... when I need him around the most he's leaving ... Im telling him now there is no guarantee I'll still be around when he gets back in the spring ... it's not fair ... you build a trust up with somebody& they leave.. .that's all people fucking do to me is leave... they just keep leaving ... why does everybody leave ??????? I just want one person I can trust to stay... I can't do this on my own. Last time he left the other counsellors almost killed me ... they blackmailed me onto meds that hurt me & then they wouldnt help me.... Why doesn't my counsellor just put me out of my misery?

There is some invisible script on this planet that has written on it, that it is NOT ok to be happy. If you are to become unhappy, you will be isolated, you will not succeed, you will be socially exiled & you will live in unbearable pain, both mental & physical.

Friends, family, doctors, counsellors, professor/teachers, etc. <--- they all believe that unhappiness is some sort of unwritten sin.

It just goes to show how shallow & self-centred our world is.

Society has created a standard, for how we are to act, behave & feel.

I say, unhappiness, sadness, mental illness, depression, whatever you call it, is not a crime.

Being looked down  on because we are in a sad way is not right & only makes us feel worse. People are just scared to accept that the world is not full of butterflies & unicorns that shit rainbows.

It is the sad truth

Much Luv,

FastLane

There are two types of carbs: Simple Carbohydrates & Complex Carbohydrates.

Simple Carbs contain large amounts of sugar, while Complex Carbs contain starches, but also contain large amounts of vitamins & minerals.

Now everyone says you should avoid carbs & that they will help you to lose weight...true, BUT besides losing out on essential nutrients, you will lose weight but end up looking boney & unfit. It will be obvious you don't give yourself the proper nutrition.

Complex carbs are essential to those that exercise & want to give their body that filled out & in shape look. The complex carbs help give our body the nutrients, energy & essential building blocks to build up the muscles that we want. Anyone who runs & exercises (& this means more than just walking around the block or doing a few crunches), should have carbs included in their diet.

But like every other food, this means taking in the proper amount according to your body size & amount of exercise.

I'm starting to feel slightly crazy again... or more like numb.

I'm extremely tired right now & my apartment feels like 100degrees, so I don't have much to say.

It is obvious that my mother is coming off her meds: her bipolar is becoming out of control. She called tonight, babbling about something I have no idea about & it made no sense. Then again, I'm almost 100% she's smoking pot with her new boyfriend.

I'm beginning to accept that my career will never reach the peak. I don't have what it takes.

My future is f*ck*d at the moment.

Much Luv ... for now

FastLane

Recently I posted a question asking about my reactions & behavior towards my parents messy seperation. Keeping in mind that my mom is fairly mentally ill & my dad depressed, I sometimes find that I am balancing more than I am able to when it comes to family. Aside from this set of parents, I have 3 or 4 other sets due to a poorly performed open adoption. Sadly all parents are mentally ill, partially because most of them are from the military & have participated in both Desert Storm & the Afghanistan "peace keeping mission". Therefore when dealing with any one given parent there are challenges to be met.

I received many positive responses to my question, & also received on in particular. When I first read the response I was pissed, but then I re-read & actually had to agree with what they said. All emotions aside, it was a pretty good response. Not once did they say I shouldn't feel hurt or frustrated by the situation but they did say that I do have to learn to handle the situation sans counsellors.

Now anybody who's been through a seperation where there are several parties involved, & many of these parties have no position being involved, can tell you it's scary & complicated. This member did say that in the mean time it's ok to have some reliance on the counsellors, & I can accept that.

It gets difficult when you throw a controlling boyfriend & a mental illness in the middle. My mom can't see how controlling her boyfriend is.

Personally I use the counsellor to hammer it into my head that I can't just walk away from my mom because I don't like the situation.

Now as for the "you have to grow up" part, I already take care of the house hold, do free-free lance work, go to school, control finances, & have been taking care of myself since I was 13. How much more I can grow up right now is not certain, haha. But I see what you are saying. Right now I am in a sort of fetal mode.

I think any child in the middle of a divorce grows up quicker than usual.

So thank you dear member for the response. It was well written!

Much Luv,

FastLane

It's getting harder to get in to see my counsellor given the current situation. But this is when I need my counsellor most, & they aren't wanting to do the e-counselling they offer & advertise for us students.

I am getting beyond frustrated right now.

Much Luv,

FastLane

I'm not naming any names, for various reasons, but I will tell you that this college has become the thorn in mine & many others asses. The worst part is every year it gets worse & worse; they make it more & more difficult for students to attend.

Yes they offer employment, but to be eligible you have to be kissing someones ass and/or know someone on the inside...oh & you can't be mentally ill because every employee (professor, administrator, faculty) is shit scared of those with mental illness...plus apparently it drops the standard of quality to have a mental ill person work there...so I was told as my boss fired me.

I am many thousand in debt & even after my mother ran off with her boyfriend & took pretty much all assets, the college still rejects my application to work there. Why? Well aside from the previous paragraph, one of the workers on the student government hates anybody who is from a military family.

So how does one student get a job at the college? You either a) fuck one of the other workers b) Have people on the inside or c) kiss someones ass. No, even if you are thousands in debt, getting your funding or loan cut off (in the case of many, MANY students), sleeping on a couch, sleeping in your car, unable to afford class material (texts), unable to afford groceries or any other I've left out.

There's also a standard you have to meet to receive any chance of getting approved. The two biggest requirements that stopped me from getting in were that a) I was a in foster care, but because I was in foster care in Ontario but wasn't in the care of Ontario social workers (due to financial problems a social worker on the base we lived on in Germany handled the case), I was not eligible to be considered an adopted/fostered child. b) Because I was only independent for 1.5 yrs (not 2 yrs) out of high school, I wasn't able to be considered independent. Those two factors gave me the immediate "DENIED" stamp.

I have heard & witnessed numerous horror stories & sadly this is the college putting these procedures in place & not the goverment. So while funded students are working to build up a better home theatre system, and fill their closets, there are others like myself who are struggling to mind a fucking bed to sleep in & afford one semester of school. I will most likely not be purchasing books this semester either. I know others who could use the work but have also been denied despite the fact they live out of cars.

I worked for the college last year. It was great. But these standards they are putting in place are disgusting.

Because you can't explain your current situation to the financial aids people, they just reject who they want... there is a reason why these applications go through student government first ..

I am having to bring in at least $1,500 a month ... not including tuition expenses.

College's encourage us to enroll & want our money, & yet they wonder why sooooo many student's work late nights, sell drugs, prostitute, and so on.

Getting a part time else where in a small city is hard. I can't work late hours due to the fact I have night classes, horses that need exercising (which I get $$ for) & a depressed father to take care of. I have my reasons for being broke & needing a job. I need to help with the finances, but dear college, you are making it soooo much more difficult. Finding a job that will allow you to work between classes is non-existent.

Much Luv,

FastLane